The Light of the Setting Sun
by dashingrogue
Summary: My take on FemShep's life from pre Mass Effect 1 to post Mass Effect 3. Colonist and War Hero background. Eventual (big emphasis on EVENTUAL) Shenko. Rated M for language and mature content.
1. Home

**Home**

* * *

APRIL 8th, 2170  
_Mindoir_

"I'm home!" Alexis called up the stairs as soon as she walked through the door. Tossing her backpack on the sofa, she bee lined straight toward the kitchen and grabbed a couple ice cubes out of the refrigerator. The walk home had been long and she was so thirsty. Popping the cubes into a glass, she filled it with water and was just about to touch the cup to her lips to taste the sweet relief of hydration on her parched throat, when her younger brother ran up behind her and shook her by the shoulders.

"Saved your life!" he yelled, as he steadied her on her feet again.

Before she could turn and yell at him, she was jolted from behind a second time, and then quickly steadied. "Saved you twice!"

She now had a huge water stain on the front of her shirt and a temper like blazing fire.

"Damnit! Eric! Neil!" The twins ran out of the kitchen and out the front door to escape their older sister's wrath. "Get back here! F –"

"No cussing in the house!" her mother shrieked from upstairs.

Alexis rolled her eyes and sighed. "Hi, mom," she called, dryly.

"And keep it down down there! Your grandpa's trying to sleep!"

"Yeah, you're one to talk." She muttered it quietly under her breath but –

"What'd you say?!"

"Uh… n-nothing, I didn't say anything!" How that woman always managed to hear her, she would never know.

"Uh huh! I better not catch you glowing blue when I come down there!"

Alexis looked down at her hands. Damn. She must've lit up when she was yelling at her brothers. "I'm not glowing!" she replied, squeezing her eyes tight to rein in 'the blue stuff' as her family liked to call it.

They weren't really sure how her mom had been exposed to Element Zero, but it must've been some one time, random mishap since neither the twins nor Mia showed any signs of biotic abilities and she'd started showing as soon as she hit her toddler years. Yep, she was just the freak of the family. She even looked different too, with her creepy green eyes and jet black hair. Everyone else in her family reaped the benefits of working out in the sun for extended periods of time: lightened roots. Working in the sun just made her head hot.

Alexis asked them constantly if she was adopted, especially after seeing that none of her siblings even kind of resembled her as they grew up, except for Danny, whose hair was just as black as hers, but they always reassured her she was a Shepard, through and through. They even showed her baby pictures so she would see that her hair had been lighter when she was younger, it just darkened as the years went by.

She'd turned to her grandfather for an explanation about the green eyes and he'd said there was no explanation for that. She was just a freak.

"And Alexis, if you forgot to invite that boyfriend of yours over for dinner I'll –"

"Oh, Claire, would you quit with all your fuss?" Alexis clapped her hand over her mouth to keep from laughing out loud. "You keep yelling at your daughter to be quiet. _You_ be quiet."

Her mother didn't answer. She could just see her snapping her mouth shut, eyes wide in shame. "Sorry, dad," she barely heard her mutter after a few minutes.

"Yeah, whatever." Her grandfather had pushed the button at the top of the staircase, replacing the stairs with a ramp. He wheeled himself down slowly, turning and heading for the kitchen when he reached the bottom. "Hey, shrimp," he said when he saw Alexis sitting at the table.

She'd fixed a sandwich while her mother had yelled at her. Like always, it was cut in half and she had an extra plate ready for him. She slid it over to him when he pulled up to the table.

"We still out of mayo?" he asked, grunting when she nodded. "I'll have to remind your mother to buy some more."

"Remind me to buy some more what?" Claire Shepard had followed her father down the stairs and now spoke at a more acceptable volume.

"We need more mayo," her father grunted, biting into his sandwich.

"Oh. How was your day, Alexis?"

"It was good. David says he'll be over at six thirty to help set the table."

"Alright," she smiled. She always commented on what a little gentleman her daughter's little boyfriend had grown up into and how she had such good taste and she was sure there were plenty of little bad boys at her little high school… Alexis had begged her to stop using the word 'little' so excessively.

She and David had grown up together, were practically attached at the hip. Dating had just seemed like the natural thing to do. He was one of the few people outside of the family that knew about her biotics. Other kids at school had maybe seen her hands glowing when the teacher shut the lights out in class. And there had been that one time she'd been really nervous for an in-class presentation. She hadn't flared but, apparently, her eyes had started glowing blue and it had spread down her neck to her shoulders before she got a hold of it.

Rumors had spread for about a week and the whole thing had been blown way out of proportion – did you hear how Alexis burst into flames? I heard she threw a desk across the room – but it had died down after a bit. Of course, people still referred to her as a freak behind her back. She honestly wouldn't mind if they said it to her face since she was so used to hearing it at home. She didn't really consider it an insult anymore.

Her parents told her they were sorry, they would get her implanted if they could afford it, at least so she could learn to control it. She always reassured them it was fine, she didn't mind. Some people avoided her, sure, but those that mattered didn't. And she'd gotten pretty good at controlling herself. Maybe she'd flare once when she didn't mean to but that would be once in a whole week. She was pretty proud of herself.

"Did you have any blue moments today?" her grandfather asked her. He'd finished his half of the sandwich.

"Not until I got home," she replied, rolling her eyes. "Eric and Neil."

He chuckled. "I don't know why they mess with you. We all know you can whoop 'em."

"I'm looking forward to it, too." And she was. The thought of shoving Neil's face into the dirt while holding Eric in a headlock with his arm twisted behind his back until he screamed 'uncle' always made her grin… In a loving, big sister kind of way.

"I bet you are." Grandpa Jo had an eyebrow raised at her as if he could see what she was imagining and was a little taken aback by her violence. She shrugged, handing him the other half of the sandwich. She'd decided she wasn't all that hungry.

"Where's Mia? I've got a lollipop in my backpack with her name written all over it." Alexis couldn't wait to see her face light up with joy when she handed it to her six-year-old sister.

"She's napping," Grandpa Jo replied. "We were _supposed _to nap together. I don't know how she sleeps through your mother's shrieking."

Claire had moved over to the sink and had the water running, cleaning the dishes, so she couldn't hear her father's remark. She could hear Alexis mumble under her breath all the way down a flight of stairs and in another room but she _couldn't_ hear her father talking pretty plainly right over her shoulder. Alexis tried not to think too hard about that one.

"What about dad, where's he?"

Grandpa Jo didn't have a chance to answer as John Shepard walked through the front door at that moment, sweat and grease on his face, mud on his clothes and gloves on his hands.

"What happened to you?" Grandpa Jo asked, turning his nose up at him.

John glanced down at himself, frowning. "I was trying to fix the tractor. Not sure if I got her running or not. Danny's still out there."

Alexis' ears perked up. "Danny?" she asked. Her father ignored the question, instead sliding his grimy boots off his feet, striding over to his daughter and ruffling her hair.

"Hey, punk," he greeted her. "I thought I saw you walking home."

"Gross, dad, you're getting my hair dirty."

"Oops, sorry, kid," he chuckled. "Is David coming over tonight?"

She nodded, wiping the mud off her scalp.

"Good. Maybe I can talk him out of this military idea."

"He's dead set, dad, you won't be able to." Alexis hated to admit it, but David was determined to leave. He was sick of the colony and his stepdad and farming. He wanted to get out, get away, and see what the rest of the galaxy had to offer.

"He's turning eighteen soon, right?"

Another nod. "Two days."

"There's hope, then. I've got time."

"Dad two days will not be enough time," she laughed. "If you haven't been able to convince him in seventeen years, why would two days make a difference?"

"He's just a boy, Ali. Has no idea what he'd be getting into." His face grew dark, the lines of a frown etched around his mouth. "He just wants to be like his father but… enlisting with the Alliance is suicide."

He would've said more on the subject if Grandpa Jo hadn't been in the room. He'd been honorably discharged from service after losing both his legs in the First Contact War. Despite that fact, he never said his opinion about David's decision. The only time he showed any emotion about it at all was when he asked Alexis if she planned on following David when she was old enough and she'd told him she liked Mindoir, wanted to stay, and that David had his reasons for wanting to leave while she had none (except maybe the biotics, but she wasn't interested in the military and, according to the extranet, that's all people with abilities like hers were good for). Grandpa Jo had seemed pleased with her response, but it was hard to tell with him; he wasn't very easy to read.

John made his way over to his wife and kissed her. She told him he stank and they were now teasing each other, her mother splashing soapy water out of the sink trying to clean his overalls and her father saying it was 'the stench of a hardworking man'.

Alexis smirked a bit. She was glad she had parents that liked each other and liked to have fun. She knew David didn't get along with his stepdad and was pretty sure his mom didn't even get along with him. After his real father was KIA in First Contact, things were hard on his mom, working as the town nurse, raising David by herself and grieving her husband. She had married Dr. Childress more out of necessity than love. This led to David placing a greater reliance on John Shepard and Grandpa Jo as father figures in his life and determinedly pretending Dr. Childress becoming a part of his family had never happened, as stubbornly as he ignored his mother's stern disapproval of the Alliance.

"Hey, pops!" someone yelled from outside. "Guess whose sorry ass got this baby runnin'!"

John headed toward the door and watched as Danny brought his tractor around the corner, sputtering with life. "Well, I'll be d –"

"Don't you cuss in this house," his wife warned.

"Well, I'll be," he amended.

"You owe me, dad, you definitely owe me." Danny cut the engines and hopped out of the vehicle, his boots kicking up dirt as he landed.

"Owe you? Please. I taught you everything you know."

"Ha! You keep tellin' yourself that."

"Yeah, yeah," John grunted, looking away from his eldest son pointedly.

"Tell you what; I'll make it easy for you. Just give me a nice hot meal before I head home and we'll call it even. How's that sound?"

"I'm tellin' you, boy, I don't owe you nothin'."

"John!" his wife called from the kitchen. "Pull that stick out of your butt and let Danny stay for dinner! He's your own son, for cryin' out loud!"

Danny looked at his father triumphantly before he pushed past him into the house.

"Well, look what the cat drug in," Alexis smirked at her older brother. She'd leaped out of her chair and followed her dad to the front door as soon as she heard his voice.

"Aw, come on Ali; is that any way to greet your only older brother?" Danny held a hand to his heart, in mock pain. Pulling Alexis into a headlock, he gave her a vicious knuckle sandwich. "Long time no see, kid," he laughed as she elbowed him in the stomach.

"Whose fault is that?" she grunted, wriggling free from his hold and punching his arm. "I tried to come and visit you at the shop on Monday, but you weren't there.

"My hours changed," he replied, tenderly rubbing the spot she'd punched. "You should've messaged me. Damn, girl, that punch had some kick to it. You takin' steroids?"

"Ha ha. No. It's all this farm work dads got me doing. Now that I'm old enough, I've had to pick up your load and some of Eric and Neil's too since they're too young to do some of the heavy lifting."

"You're probably just going soft." Their father had come up behind his son and clapped him on the shoulder, making him grunt. "Sitting up in that little electronic shop of yours can't be doing your physique any good. You'd be surprised at what farm work can do for you."

Danny rolled his eyes at his father, turning away from him and heading towards the staircase. "Thanks but no thanks. That's why I left, remember?" He started trudging up the stairs slowly. "Now, where are those two little brothers of mine?"

John followed his son's progress with his eyes before turning and joining his wife in the kitchen.

"John," Alexis heard her mother hiss at him, "Why didn't you tell me he was coming over?"

"Didn't think it was important," he responded, softly. Judging by the rustle of his clothes, he'd shrugged, nonchalantly.

"Oh, of course it's not important to _you_," she spat. "_You're_ the one that ran him off in the first place. What about the rest of us? You deprived me of my child, my father of his grandson, and the kids of their older brother."

"Look, Claire," he responded, his tone exasperated, "It's not _just_ my fault. I'm not apologizing until he does. Besides, it's probably best that he's not around: he's a bad influence on the kids. The boy's too stubborn for his own good."

"Gee, I wonder where he gets that from," she spat, dryly. "Look in a mirror, why don't you?" John scoffed at his wife, waving her off. "_Stop _thinking of just yourself for five minutes – five _seconds_ would be a miracle – swallow your pride and make up with him so I can have my son back."

Alexis watched her father walk out of the kitchen and out the front door, jamming a hat on his head. She heard her mother sigh heavily followed by the clink of dishes as she continued to cook. The only thing her parents ever disagreed on was Danny. He and her father had been at each other's throats constantly while he'd lived at the house. They fought about… whatever… mostly the fact that he didn't want to follow in the family business, he didn't want to be a farmer. He wanted to be a doctor. He wanted to join the Alliance and help patch up troops. Only she and David knew that though. Her grandfather's condition had something to do with it. It had been Danny who'd installed the ramp for him to get up and down the stairs and saved up his own money to buy a nicer wheelchair for him since the family couldn't afford it, feeding five kids and three adults and all. As soon as he'd turned eighteen, he'd packed up all his belongings and moved out to an apartment in the small capital city a few miles out from their farm on the countryside. As far as Alexis knew, the only reason he hadn't already enlisted was because he was waiting for David to be old enough so they could enlist together. That had been two years ago. It was only two days away now.

She sighed. "Looks like it's just you and me now, Grandpa Jo."

He smiled, pulling a pack of cards out of his jacket pocket and dealing her a hand for a game of war. "That's just fine, Ali," he replied. "That's just fine."

* * *

When John Shepard finally came back, David was with him.

"Hey, look what I found, wandering around outside," David said with a grin.

Claire looked up from wiping the table. "You're just in time for dinner."

Alexis walked out of the kitchen carrying the plates. "Hey," she said when she saw David.

"Hey." He kissed her on the cheek as she placed a plate in front of her father who'd already thrown himself into his seat at the head of the table. They locked eyes for a minute which was enough to communicate why her dad had been walking around aimlessly outside. Only Danny could put him in that kind of mood. David nodded understandingly before letting her return to setting the table.

"Boys," her mother called up the stairs while wheeling Grandpa Jo to the table, "it's time to eat!"

There was a cacophony of noise as the boys raced down the stairs, nearly knocking over the table as they used the momentum to slide into their chairs.

"Hey, settle down," their mother scolded. "Did you wash your hands?"

Eric and Neil reluctantly rose from the table to wash up. "Ha!"Danny called after them. "I win!"

"What's up, Danny," David grinned at him, clasping his hand across the table.

"Hey, Dave, how are you?"

Alexis didn't fight the twinge of jealousy she felt over the fact that her boyfriend got to spend more time with her brother than she did.

_Just two days, _she thought dejectedly.

"Alright, everybody, sit down," Claire ordered as she carried a glass dish of her famously delicious casserole out of the kitchen.

Everyone obeyed, Eric and Neil rushing to their seats, their eyes alight with hungry anticipation.

"Man, Ma," Danny breathed hungrily, "I'd forgotten how well you cook."

"Come around more often and I'll remind you," she grinned, plopping a hefty serving onto his plate. "I'll also remind you that, in this house, we say grace before we dig in." She smacked his hand decidedly before he could bring his spoon to his mouth.

The twins snickered. They continued this snickering all through grace, earning a harsh scolding from their mother. The dining room was alive with laughter and joy as everyone dug into their food, rolls, salt, pepper, and a pitcher of lemonade being passed around the table.

"Danny?" It was a tiny voice, but audible enough that everyone at the table stopped talking and turned. Mia was standing at the foot of the stairs, pigtails disheveled, teddy bear in hand, rubbing her eyes.

A wide grin spread across her older brother's face as he rose and strode over to her, lifting her off her feet and into his arms. "Hey, kiddo," he said.

"Wh-why, didn't you wake me up f-for dinner," she whimpered helplessly as he carried her over to the table, plopping her in his lap.

"You just looked so peaceful, I couldn't. Here, have some casserole." The sorrowful, dejected look on her face vanished as soon as she got a bite of the delicacy in her mouth. Her eyes lit up and she giggled with delight, which got everybody laughing at once, the noise in the room resuming.

"So, Daniel," Claire called across the table, "do you have a girlfriend, yet?"

He laughed around the food in his mouth. "Nope."

"Why not?"

"There's no need for one," he responded light heartedly. "Plus, I'm too busy trying to keep Alexis' good-for-nothin' boyfriend out of trouble."

"Now, hush," his mother chastised him, "David is not a troublemaker."

"Oh, you don't know the half of it," her son chuckled softly.

"Neil has a girlfriend!" Eric blurted loudly.

"Shut up, no I don't!" Neil kicked his twin brother under the table.

"You better not have no girlfriend, Neil," his mother scolded.

"What? How come? Alexis has a boyfriend and you want Danny to have a girl!"

"That's because they're older than you. You're twelve, for Pete's sake."

"Ma, I'm thirteen."

"Oh, big difference," David snickered.

"Shut up, David," Neil spat at him.

"Hey you settle down," Grandpa Jo piped in, shooting his grandson a stern look. "If your ma doesn't want you to have a girlfriend, you can't have a girlfriend, got that?"

"Yes, sir," he mumbled, pushing his casserole around his plate with his spoon in sad defeat.

At the head of the table, John just laughed. "So, Danny," everyone at the table turned and stared at him in surprise: this was the first he'd spoken since dinner had started. "How is everything at that little electronics shop of yours?"

"Its… It's good," he answered, tentatively, shoveling the last of the casserole into Mia's mouth.

"Yeah?" his father urged him on.

"Um… yeah. It's not so little anymore, though. My manager got a pretty good deal with one of the other colonies. They requested for him to set up shop out there. We just might have a chain." He smiled, proudly.

"Another shop, like, off planet?" Alexis asked.

"Yeah, off planet."

"Where?" his mother probed.

"We're not sure yet."

"Well, would he send you or one of his other employees?" it was Grandpa Jo this time.

"We already talked about it and he said since I'm one of the best he thinks he can really trust me to head up a prosperous business on another colony."

Alexis looked at David sitting to her right, unnecessarily focused on cleaning his plate.

"So you'd leave Mindoir?" John asked.

"It's a definite possibility, yes."

"What about the farm?"

Danny blinked. "What about it?"

"Here it comes," David mumbled, only loud enough for Alexis to hear.

His father scratched the back of his head in frustration. "Look, son," he said. "I've let you take your little detours and have your little fun with this mechanical stuff for a decent amount of time. But at some point you've got to settle down and start getting serious about what you want to do with your life."

The table was awkwardly silent; everyone's eyes shifting from the son to the father back to the son again.

"What if I _am _serious?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean what if this _is _what I want to do with my life?" There was a pause, John Shepard's brow furrowing as he attempted to comprehend what his son was saying. "What then, dad?"

"You mean you're serious about this?"

Danny hesitated. "Well…"

"You mean you want to work in an electronics shop rather than on a farm."

"I… no. No, I don't."

"That's what I thought. So you'll take the farm, then?"

"No."

"Whadya mean 'no'." His voice rose in frustration.

"I mean _no_, pops. I don't want to work in an electronics shop for the rest of my life, you're right. But that doesn't mean I want to be a farmer, stuck on this god-forsaken rock of a colony for my whole life, no thank you."

"What _do _you want, then, huh? What are you going to do with yourself? You can't bum around for your whole life! You need to have purpose!"

"Bum around?! Is that what you think I do?! I've had a job since I was fifteen years old! I paid for my own food, I paid for the ramp on the stairs, I paid for Grandpa's wheelchair, I pay for my own apartment and you think that I'm a _bum._"

Mia stared up into her brother's face, watching his tan complexion fill with color the angrier he got. "Danny?" she questioned softly, in confusion, starting to cry.

"You've got no direction, son! You're a man with no purpose, no pride, and no passion! You can't be a Shepard, you can't possibly have my blood in your veins if that's the case!"

"John," his wife gasped in shock.

"Oh, so you disown me now! Fine! This has been a long time coming, anyway, may as well get it over with now. Say it, dad."

Alexis tilted her head to one side, a confused look making her brow furrow.

"What's wrong?" David whispered to her.

"Nothing," she muttered back, "I just thought I heard something."

"Say what, son?" her father continued.

"Tell me I'm not your son."

"Daniel," his father started.

"No, you just said there's no way I can be a Shepard because of how I live my life."

"Daniel," his mother attempted to calm him down.

"No, Ma, I want to hear him say it out loud. If I'm not a Shepard, I'm not his son. If I don't farm, I'm not his son. I'm not good enough, is what he's trying to tell me. Stop trying and say it clearly."

"Daniel," his father started, "just tell me what you want to do. If you're not going to work at the electronics shop forever and you're not going to farm, what are you going to do?"

"Do you hear that?" Alexis whispered to David.

"Hear what, babe?" he asked, his eyes fixed on Daniel as he opened his mouth to answer his father's question. "Here it comes," he murmured.

"I'm going to be a marine, dad."

David buried his face in his hands and groaned.

There was silence. The only sound was the strange ringing noise that had started to get louder and louder as her father and brother decked out. Alexis glanced around the table to see if anyone else heard it. If they did, they didn't show any signs. She shrugged it off, blocking the piercing sound out as best she could.

Everyone stared at her elder brother in shock.

"What?" Grandpa Jo finally broke the silence.

Danny sighed. "That's been the plan from the start," he admitted softly. "I enlisted yesterday. The only reason I waited this long is because I've been waiting for David to hit eighteen. Figured if we're both going to sign up, we may as well sign up together."

"Cool," Eric grinned at Neil across the table for an instant before receiving a withering look from his father.

"Daniel Allen Shepard," his mother started, her voice breaking, "why didn't you say something before now?"

"Because I knew how you all would react. You had a hard enough time just accepting the fact that I didn't want to farm, and that I was more interested in mechanics than crops. And after what happened with Grandpa Jo… I just knew you wouldn't accept it."

"So you kept it a secret all this time?" Claire was sobbing openly now, attempting to hide behind the sleeve of her shirt.

"Ma, don't cry, I just –"

"How could you?"

Daniel looked sharply at his father. "Dad, I –"

"Knowing everything the Alliance has put this family through, knowing how we all feel about this, you dare to show your face here and lie to us all?" His voice was low and menacing. Alexis had never heard him talk that way. She imagined her face mirrored the shocked fright on the faces of her younger siblings.

It didn't faze Daniel a bit. "You didn't really leave me with much choice, pops." His tone matched his father's exactly.

John Shepard exploded. "Don't you put the blame on me, boy!" he yelled, slamming his fist on the table and rising from his chair in anger.

Mia resumed crying, her loud sobs mingling with the softer whimpers of her mother's.

"It _is _your fault," Claire Shepard spoke, her voice choked.

"What?" her husband spat at her.

Rising from her own seat, she wheeled on her husband. "If you hadn't run him out of our house, if you'd just talked to him like a real human being, like your son, instead of always yelling and fighting and badgering and berating him, maybe he would have felt comfortable coming to us and telling us what he wanted! If you'd just let him be who he is!"

"This is not my fault!" he screamed at her, towering over her like a statue. "It's not my fault he's the hardest headed, stubborn ass – "

"Don't you cuss in my house!"

"Mom, dad," Alexis soothed, trying to get them to calm down over Mia's sobs. Eric and Neil cowered at the opposite end of the table, stunned.

Grandpa Jo's voice joined the yelling match. "If the both of you don't shut up and sit down right now, so help me, I'll toss you both out of this house and finish up the rest of this casserole myself."

Alexis looked at David who was sitting low in his chair like he wanted to melt through the floor. Couldn't he hear it? That incessant, piercing ringing: it was endless.

She clapped her hands over her ears at the same time something crashed through the window and onto the table, landing solidly in the casserole.

"What the hell –" Daniel started but was cut off when their grandfather yelled "Grenade!" and leapt out of his wheelchair on to the ground beneath the table.

Everything happened very quickly then, all chaos and noise.

It was a smoke grenade, filling the house with a thick white cloud that burned Alexis' eyes as she rose from her chair. A hand clasped her wrist and pulled her to the ground, shoving her underneath the table. She could hear the loud, reverberating sound of her father's shotgun as he fired off at… something. A body collapsed in a heap by the table and she thought she could make out four blank eyes staring into her. She wretched, nearly vomiting all over herself. She heard her little sister scream and Daniel's voice cry out "Mia!" before he groaned and something fell across two dining room chairs, pushing them out of place, before thudding to the ground. She looked to her left. Her Grandpa Jo lay very still next to her underneath the table.

"Grandpa," she whispered, before she noticed his eyes and how empty and staring they were. She started hyperventilating. Her father's shotgun went off again, once more, before it was followed by a dissatisfying click. Out of ammo.

"Claire!" she heard him scream. He lifted the chair that was by her hand. It connected with something before he fell to the ground in a fit of horrible coughs that ceased after the sound of a pistol rang through the air.

Alexis stifled her own coughs by covering her mouth. She was trembling in fear. Why was Grandpa Jo so still? Where was David? Was Daniel alright or was he…? Where was her mother? What had happened to Mia and Eric and Neil? What was going on?

A guttural sound like someone talking underwater broke into her thoughts. Her body tensed. And then there were flames. Her house was up in flames. She had to get out. Scrambling out from underneath the table, she saw her mother's limp body twisted inhumanely and covered in blood, a gaping hole in her stomach. Daniel was on the other side of the dining table, lifeless and still, a bullet hole in the middle of his forehead. Half of her father's head was gone, his brains lying on the ground next to him. Were those his brains? She couldn't tell through the flames and the smoke. Where was David?

She called his name, her voice choked with smoke. "David?" she coughed. She had subconsciously crawled to the front door. And there he was, lying by it, trembling with blood streaming from his mouth. Where was his other leg? She looked around for it. Oh, there it was, over by the stairs.

"Ali," he coughed out, blood spurting from his mouth. "They… they… they got Mia and Eric… and Neil, too."

"What do you mean, David?" she asked, surprised at how even her voice sounded.

"T-t-took 'em and th-threw 'em in cages."

"Who?" She asked. Maybe if she got his leg and put it back on him, he'd stop bleeding and he'd be okay.

"I... don't know. You have… to get out… get out of here… Alexis. You… have to run… to live…" He pressed something into her hand.

"What about you?" She asked him.

He just smirked at her. And then his eyes went glassy. "David?" she asked him. Nothing. "David." Why didn't he answer her? "David!" she was screaming now, screaming over the crackle of the flames bursting around her. She grabbed him by his shoulders and shook him viciously, yelling his name over and over.

There was a loud creak as a support fell from the ceiling, blocking the front door. She had flung herself across David's lifeless body as if to protect him. Funny. Trying to protect a life that was already gone.

She looked up at the ceiling, leaping backward as another support fell, crushing David's body. She had to get out now. The way to the dining room window was blocked. The only escape was to go upstairs. Alexis staggered drunkenly to her feet, tripping over the other half of David's left leg as she made her way to the stairs. Quickly, she stumbled up the stairs and into her parent's room. The window, that was a way out. She made her way toward it, not even noticing the humanoid figure that blocked her path. It had its back to her, but wheeled on her and yelled in that strange guttural, underwater language. It readied the gun in its hand and fired three times. One bullet connected with her shoulder, the other whizzed by her neck and the last embedded itself in her stomach. Alexis screamed wildly, blue stuff pouring off of her in waves as she ran at the four-eyed murderer and tackled him out of the window.

They fell fast. It only had time to run something cold and sharp across her face, making her scream, before its back connected with the ground, knocking all the air from its body.

Alexis scrambled off of the thing and grabbed the gun it had discarded. It moaned in pain. Her hands shook as she aimed. She fired the last shot straight in to one of its eyes, its groans of pain ceasing instantly.

And then she ran.


	2. Real

**Real**

* * *

She ran and ran. And ran and ran. Until her feet wouldn't carry her anymore. She ran past the boundaries of the colony, until she had no idea where she was. She was lightheaded. Blood still oozed in steady streams from her shoulder and gushed from her stomach. Only her neck had stopped bleeding.

She collapsed. From exhaustion. From blood loss. Until she couldn't feel her shoulder and her left leg wouldn't move because that whole side of her body had gone numb. Her face throbbed. Her right eye burned. She wiped the back of her hand across it. More blood. Great. That four-eyed monster had pulled a knife and jacked up her face. Damn.

She was fading fast, her eyes drooping closed. She willed them back open, not wanting to see her dead family, not again.

The ground underneath her started to shake. _What the -?_ She had to get up, she had to run. She had to _live_. But she couldn't stand. She could only shift her right leg awkwardly. Fine, then, she would crawl.

The quivering of the ground grew more relentless. She used her good arm, the one without the shoulder wound and that wasn't already occupied clutching her side, to scoot herself backwards. Her back connected with a rock.

_This is it, _she thought. _I've got nothing left._

A caravan pulled in front of her. Through her bleary vision, she saw someone's large feet connect with the ground. A smaller, daintier pair of feet joined them.

"She's covered in blood." It was a man's voice. In a language she understood. He stepped towards her. She wanted to crawl away but she was already as far away as she could get.

"Let me handle this." A woman. She could understand them, even though their voices were muffled and fuzzy, like they were speaking underwater or under a pillow. They must be human. Somehow, that didn't matter. She was too far gone, too crazed with fright.

"Stay away!" Alexis had meant to scream, but her voice was hoarse and weak.

"I'm not going to hurt you," the woman soothed, kneeling in front of her. "Let me help you." She reached out to her, placing a strong hand on her shoulder, on the bullet wound.

This time, Alexis did scream in pain. "Don't touch me!" Her skin started to burn, electrifying her, waves of blue light coursing off of her.

"Holy shit!" the man yelled.

The woman's hand remained firmly on her shoulder. She pulled Alexis to her chest, her efforts to get away useless. The woman was strong, and she was so weak.

"You're going to be alright. You're safe now." She felt a needle sink into her back, killing her last scream in her throat. It came out as nothing more than a whimper.

_Live... _David's words danced across her mind.

_Sorry, David, _she thought. _Looks like I'm going to die._

* * *

April 13th, 2170  
_Arcturus_

"She's young." Dr. McKenna frowned down at the unconscious girl lying in the hospital bed before her.

"Yeah, I heard about what happened. Everyone did. It's a damn shame." There was a pause. "You know, she's pretty small. Any idea how old she is?"

"Can't be more than seventeen. If we had gotten there sooner… if we'd been able to break through their defenses… maybe…"

"Hey, this wasn't your fault."

The doctor sighed. "I know. That doesn't stop me from feeling like it was, though."

Her companion nodded, "Yeah, I know. How are the other two you mentioned holding up?"

McKenna shook her head. "The girl's gone, we couldn't get her to stabilize. The boy's alright, though. Just woke up an hour ago." Another sigh escaped the doctor's lips. "So young," she murmured, softly.

"You mentioned this girl has biotics?"

"Yeah," McKenna replied. "She flared when we went to pick her up. Self-defense, I guess. She's not amped, though. Doesn't even have an implant."

The man nodded. He was standing behind McKenna, though, so she didn't see. He made note of the unconscious girl's features, her unruly jet black hair, the arch of her eyebrows. He glanced at the IV that was pumping blood into her system. 'Alexis Shepard' was her name. They must have pulled that information from her omni-tool. "Seventeen are you sure?" he muttered. "She's just so small…"

Dr. McKenna turned to him, smiling sadly. "Thanks for coming by, David."

"Hackett's orders," he replied, returning his attention to her, "But it was my pleasure. You hang in there, Shirley. And tell that husband of yours I said hello."

"Will do."

And then he left. Turning back to the girl, the doctor sighed again, running a hand through her curly orange hair. "So young," she murmured again, "So much pain, so young."

* * *

Alexis tried so hard to wake up.

She tried to jerk herself awake, she tried to scream, she tried to kick her legs. These were things that had always worked before, the few times she'd had nightmares back home. They didn't work now. She was trapped inside her own head.

Her only consolation was the thought that it was just a dream.

When the sound of her mother's screaming rang in her ears – _it's just a dream._

When she saw Danny's lifeless body – _it's just a dream._

When David's face froze in that pained smile – _it's just a dream._

The pain from the bullet wounds, from jumping out of a window, from being knifed in the face, and especially remembering that sickeningly green goo from when she… the alien, when it – _it's all just a dream_.

She would wake up and tell her ma about it and she would shake her head at her and tell her how overactive her imagination was and laugh and Eric and Neil would overhear and they'd tease her about it by acting it all out and Mia would ask if she was there and the boys would tell her she'd died too and she'd cry and then her pa would tell them to knock it off and lift Mia onto his shoulders to make her feel better and Grandpa Jo would fix Alexis her lunch. And then they'd go to school.

Yeah.

It'd be just like any other day.

She just had to wake up first.

_Wake up, Ali_, she chanted over and over again in her mind until she was screaming it, willing herself to snap out of it.

But she didn't. Not for a long time, she didn't.

Then, at last, slowly, the solid darkness of her nightmare started to lift. She could almost see through the haze. She _could_ hear through it.

"David," a woman spoke, her voice sounded familiar; "I wasn't expecting you today."

_David?_ There was proof. She was right. She'd wake up and be at home. If she just opened her eyes, she'd see him and everything would be fine.

"We're scheduled to leave the station tomorrow. I decided to stop by today in case I didn't have time later on."

_The station? _ She didn't know what that meant and his voice… David didn't sound like himself. But then, everything sounded muffled, like the words were being carried to her through a fog.

"I see." The woman's voice was a bit clearer. "I'm easing her off of the narcotic. She should wake up any minute, now."

"Guess I picked a good time to come, then." His voice was clearer, too, a richer, deeper tone than Alexis remembered.

Slowly, her eyes fluttered open. Or, at least, her left eye did. Her right eye wouldn't open at the moment, for whatever reason. She brushed that minor setback aside, quickly snapping her eye shut again: the light was too bright.

"Hit the lights, will you?" the woman asked.

There was a soft 'click'.

She blinked her eye back open. The room was still brighter than she was used to yet because of the emergency lights, but it was better than before.

"It's good to see you awake." The woman was addressing her now. "My name's Dr. McKenna from the SSV Einstein."

If Alexis had looked, she would have seen that this was the same woman she'd seen on Mindoir, the one from the land rover. But she didn't look at her, not even in her direction. She wasn't even listening.

Instead, she looked around, searching desperately for something that looked familiar, anything.

The room was white, white floors, white bed sheets, white walls. Her room had been orange, her favorite color, and her bed much softer and much more comfortable than this. She didn't see David anywhere.

So she wasn't at home. Her heart sank. But she couldn't lose hope, not yet.

There was a window on the left side of the bed she was lying in.

She blinked. Nothing changed. She blinked again, holding her left eye shut tight a little while longer.

No way. What she was seeing couldn't be real.

"Where _am_ I?" she murmured, more to herself than anything. She wasn't really expecting one, but she got an answer.

"This is the Arcturus Space Station," it was the man who spoke, "headquarters of the Alliance Navy."

Alexis turned, gaping at him in shock. _Space station? _That explained why she could see Earth outside her window. She'd never seen Earth before, except in pictures. She'd definitely never been there.

The man chuckled at the stunned look on her face.

"What –?" she was going to ask what happened but got her answer when she smoothed her hand over the side of her neck.

It was there, the wound from where the bullet had nicked her. She ran her hand under her collar bone, wincing when she reached her shoulder. The pain at the left side of her belly button had steadily been growing since she'd woken up. She reached up and touched her right eye.

She had an eye patch. Like a real life pirate. An eye patch.

It was real. It had happened.

She could feel her heart pounding against her chest, the beep of the cardiac monitor growing faster and louder.

It was real.

Her family was dead.

She was alone.

And she was half blind.

She couldn't breathe.

And then she was gasping for air, clutching the bed sheets desperately.

"She's going into shock!" Dr. McKenna sprang to her feet, snatching a needle off of the bedside table.

She didn't know what was in the vial but she knew she didn't want to go back to sleep. She didn't want to be awake and face reality but she most definitely could_ not_ face her nightmare knowing it was real.

Dr. McKenna reached for her IV.

She lit up. "NO," she gasped hoarsely, weakly shoving the doctor's hands back.

"David, hold her down for me," McKenna ordered.

He placed a hand on her shoulder. "Wait."

The doctor looked at him in confusion. She only understood when she looked back at her patient.

The girl was… incredible.

Leaning her head back on the pillow, she was fighting to slow her heart rate. Biotic energy pulsed around her, dimmer than when McKenna had first seen it but still strong. Slowly it grew smaller and smaller, her heart slowing until it was basically normal. Sweat glistened on her forehead from the exertion.

David leaned back, raising his chin in approval. "Impressive."

"Are you –" McKenna started.

"Dr. McKenna, I think it would be wise to get Admiral Hackett down here and maybe see about letting that interviewer in, as well."

The doctor hesitated for a moment. And then she left.

Alexis heard the door slide open and then close again.

"Can you open your eyes?" the man asked her.

She nodded, blinking open her good eye to meet his gaze.

He was sitting in the chair next to her bed, comfortable, legs crossed, self-assured.

"Do you remember what happened to you on Mindoir?"

She nodded again.

"I need you to tell me everything, all the details. I'd like to hear it before the press does; let you know what's appropriate for disclosure and what's not."

_The Press? _She had no idea what he was talking about or what was going on or who 'Admiral Hackett' was or what he'd meant by 'the other two' and she really just wanted to go home, even though she had no home to go to because it had burned down and her family... they were... but she couldn't find her voice to tell him as much. She didn't even know who he was.

She opened her mouth – closed it again – nothing came out.

He seemed to understand and rose, filling a glass with water at the sink. He handed it to her.

She was just lifting it to her lips, just about to relieve her parched throat, when she thought of the twins and how annoying they were and how wet they'd gotten her shirt.

She couldn't drink it.

She just cleared her throat instead, avoiding the man's gaze because she knew she looked crazy.

"Who _are_ you?" she rasped at him, staring at the crystal clear water in her hand.

"Staff Commander David Anderson, but you can just call me Anderson. What's your name?"

She looked at him, then, really looked at him. He'd just seen her glow, was looking at her all disheveled and cut up and broken and just introduced himself like it was a normal thing, like he faced these kind of situations every day. Maybe he did, being with the Alliance and all. His rank and title had not escaped her notice.

She cleared her throat again. "Alexis Shepard. But you can just call me…" _what? Ali? Freak? Shep?_ Her attempt at a joke went south. "You can just call me Alexis."

He smiled. "That's fine." His voice was nice. Low and melodic, it was… soothing. "We'll just take this nice and slow," he continued, "from the beginning. How did it start?"

"With a smoke grenade," she responded, flatly.

He raised his eyebrows in surprise.

She'd only known it was a smoke grenade from playing video games. "It landed in the casserole."

"The casserole?"

"Yeah, we were eating at the dining table and it came through the window and I…"

She talked fast, really fast, despite his assurances that she could 'take it slow'. Emotionally, she wasn't really ready to 'take it' at all. But he'd wanted to know and he was someone important. He worked with the Alliance, just how David and Daniel had wanted to. The same Alliance Grandpa Jo had retired from. They'd probably know exactly who he was if they were there, except for Grandpa Jo because he didn't like the Alliance anymore. If she went back home and told them she'd gotten to meet him, they'd lecture her about all he'd accomplished in the Navy to earn his rank and scold her for not asking him better questions or getting his autograph or something.

She was talking so much and so fast, so determined to get it all out, that she didn't even notice her face was wet with tears and her hands were shaking and the blue stuff was pulsating off of her like she was some sort of lightning bug.

But he didn't stop her. He just listened and watched and, the few times she glanced into his eyes, they were unreadable.

It wasn't until she reached the part about the window that he stopped her.

"Hold on," he lifted his hand in disbelief. "The Batarian shot you, your biotics went off, and then you… you rushed him."

_Batarian? Was that what it was called? _She used this little break in a very one-sided conversation to catch her breath and wipe the wet stuff off of her face. What were those? Tears? Weird, when had she started crying?

"You rushed him out of a window." It was a statement. Blunt, disbelieving, awed… impressed.

He was impressed with her. She'd impressed him. This made her feel… good. Granted, she hadn't initially intended to impress anybody by doing what she did - she was just trying to survive - but she'd decided, while babbling on and on like a crazy person, that she liked this 'Anderson' and so it was nice that he was impressed by her.

"I –" but her voice was gone.

"Drink your water, Alexis," he urged her, gently.

She looked at the water, she looked at him: he nodded. She looked back at her water… and she gulped it down, swallowing the lump in her throat as she did so, thinking of Eric and Neil and...

"What happened next?" His tone was still gentle, consoling.

"I –" She knew what had happened next. But she didn't want to talk about it. This part was the hardest to face, for whatever reason. This hurt her the most. "We fell out of the window and it pulled a knife. My eye…" she touched it, tenderly. "And then I ran."

"How did you get away from it?"

She didn't answer.

"Alexis. Did it die from the fall?"

She didn't want to lie to him.

"No. No, I…" _Breathe, Ali_. "I shot it. I shot it in the head."

Her voice was so soft, she could barely hear herself.

"You killed it?"

One tear fell from her eye onto the bed. "Yes. I killed it. I took a life. I don't even know what it was that I killed but I killed it. I shot it right in the eye because I was scared and hysterical and there was all this adrenaline and I –"

She didn't finish. She didn't finish because she was crying outright, now, and Anderson had reached out and loosened her hand from where it was desperately gripping the bed sheet, her knuckles growing paler and paler, and he'd taken it in his own and through her one eye full of tears she noticed that they almost had the same skin tone, he was just a little darker.

And then the door slid open and the doctor strode in accompanied by some stately looking man and a reporter and a guy holding a camera and Anderson rose from the chair, releasing her hand, and they all crowded around her bed and stared at her like some sort of science project.

And she sniffed, shrugging off her little break down like it had never happened and steadying her voice and meeting all their inquisitive leers with her electric green eyes before she said:

"Is somebody gonna tell me what's going on or can I go home now?"


	3. Purpose

**Purpose**

* * *

April 20th, 2170  
Vancouver, Canada

_"I'm Patricia Peters, with Alliance News, bringing you the latest on the recent attack on Mindoir, one of humanity's well-established farming colonies in the Attican Traverse. The _SSV Einstein_, an Alliance carrier, was on patrol in the area and received the colony's distress signal, but wasn't in time to save the colonists from the raid initiated by a band of slavers. Dr. Shirley McKenna, a member of the crew, has worked closely with the few survivors fighting for their lives in the hospital on Arcturus. Here are her thoughts on the attack."_

The camera panned over to the doctor, standing by a med table, her orange hair tied up in a messy bun.

_"Tell us, Dr. McKenna, was the attack initiated by humans?"_

_"The Alliance has determined it best not to disclose that information at this time."_

_"So, in other words, no."_

_"'No' what?"_

_"No, the slavers weren't human."_

_"As I've already stated, that information is classified."_

_"I see. And how many survivors are there, Dr. McKenna?"_

She sighed. _"Initially there were three but the third, a young girl, had sustained massive wounds during the attack and was suffering from severe head trauma. She died the morning after."_

_"What's the status of the other two rescues?"_

_"We've had them in drug-induced comas since the attack in order to give their bodies time to heal. We weren't cleared to wake them until today."_

_"Is this the room one of the survivors is in?"_

Dr. McKenna had been walking while she spoke, the reporter clip-clopping along beside her in high-heeled feet. McKenna nodded.

_"Admiral Hackett," _Peters gasped as the man strode over to the door,_ "I didn't know you'd be joining us today, sir, this is an honor."_

He nodded at the woman._ "I received a message from McKenna regarding the patient; I'd like to give her a proper welcome."_

Opened the door, walked into the room, and there she was, the mysterious survivor. With the light of the camera shining in her face she looked like a deer caught in headlights. A one-eyed deer with a make-shift eye-patch, some pretty heavy duty bags underneath the eye that was visible, matted black hair, pale caramel colored skin and swollen lips. Kaidan didn't know why but he'd expected the survivor of a slave raid to be… less attractive, maybe? Sure, she'd definitely seen better days, but he could tell the girl was pretty. He shook his head vigorously to snap out of it. There was something sick and twisted about his timing.

_"What's your name, sweetheart?" _Peters shoved the microphone in her face.

_"Uh…" _the girl's voice was hoarse. _"Alexis."_

_"And how old are you, Alexis?"_

_"What's the date?"_

_"April 13th." _The reporter gave the cameraman a confused look.

_ "I'm seventeen."_

Damn. She was young. And she'd lost everything. He shook his head again, this time in pity.

_"Alexis, can you tell the public what you remember from the attack?"_

_"I – it all… it all happened really fast."_

_"And how were you able to escape?"_

_"I ran."_

_"Are you a fast runner?"_

_"Not fast enough." _

Kaidan chuckled. That was a pretty sly way to reference _The Matrix, _if that's what she'd intended to do, which she probably hadn't since he hadn't met anyone that was as big a nerd as him and liked to watch old sci-fi movies, which he didn't understand because the oldies were better than any of the vids they were putting out nowadays. If she was pretty _and _geeky… Nah, too good to be true.

_"Why do you say that, Alexis?"_

_"Because I got shot."_

_"How many times were you shot?"_

_"Three. Here," _she pointed to her shoulder,_ "here," _her side,_ "and here," _the inflamed skin on her neck.

_"And what happened to your eye?"_

_"One of the... a knife."_

_"Are any of your family members among the survivors?"_

She shook her head slowly, averting her eyes from the camera lens.

_"Were you able to see your attackers?"_

_"Yes."_

_"And did your attackers look human?"_

_"Did they… what?"_

The Admiral from before interrupted saying Peters had asked enough questions for one day and the patient needed to rest. Some burly looking black guy ushered her out of the room.

The reporter frowned as the door closed on her, frustrated. Then, turning back to the camera: _"This brutal massacre will be forever remembered as a tragedy by humanity. We can only hope the survivors are able to soldier on in their lives, despite their losses, and see justice for such an unforgivable event. Patricia Peters, Alliance News."_

Kaidan clicked off the television. That was just like the Alliance, keeping secrets, conducting intergalactic relations behind closed doors. He took an angry bite of his cereal. He shouldn't have watched the stupid interview. The beginnings of a migraine were throbbing at the backs of his eyes from the flash of the images on screen and it had got him thinking of BAat and Vyrnnus and Rahna and… shit, he was late to work.

Hurriedly setting his half-eaten breakfast in the sink, he grabbed his coat and rushed out of the front door.

* * *

July 17th, 2170  
_Seattle, Washington_

Alexis grunted as her chin connected with the ground.

"What's the matter?" A girl spoke behind her, her friends laughing along with her. "Get up, freak."

She slowly started to rise, but the girl – Libby was her name – kicked her in the side, knocking her back to the ground. She rolled onto her back gasping for air.

Libby knelt over her, a wicked grin on her face. Reaching down, she grabbed the eye patch that covered the ugly, puffy scar on Alexis' right eye, releasing it so it snapped back onto her face making her grunt in pain.

The blue stuff that Anderson and Dr. McKenna had called 'dark energy' was rolling off of her, lighting up the dark alley behind the foster home.

Libby's lip curled in disgust. "I don't know how many times I have to tell you, you radioactive little fucker: _don't_ take my seat."

She rose, kicking dirt into Alexis' good eye, her friends snickering as they followed her back toward the front of the house.

Alexis lay there, blinking the dirt out of her eye, not bothering to rein in the energy that danced around her since it was her only source of light. She almost laughed at the hilarity of the situation: all this over a window seat. She could kind of understand why Libby coveted it so much. The foster home was crowded and noisy and the window seat sat above everything else, where no one could bother you, looking out over Puget Sound Bay. But Libby didn't even look out of the window when she sat there, she just shouted insults down at everyone down on the floor, making anyone that bothered listening glare at her and some of the younger kids would cry. Alexis sat there to watch the sunset. They were never as brilliant as the ones back home but Mindoir was known for its sunsets…

She fingered the charm around her neck, the one David had pressed into her hand. It was the top half of the sun, with five rays stretching out from it.

She wanted to go home.

If only there was a home to go to.

Her omni-tool pinged. It was the alert she'd set, reminding her to stop by Tony's place. He was the other survivor. He'd graduated from their high school a year before her and gone to work at the same electronics shop as her brother. The Alliance had found him a job just a few blocks away from the foster home 'so they could stick together' Anderson had explained.

Slowly, she crawled to her feet, wincing at the pain in her side. Libby had managed to kick her right where she'd been shot during the attack.

She probably should just stop being stubborn and let the damn girl have her seat, but she didn't want to. Granted, she didn't want to fight her, either. Could she take her? Quite easily. But what was the point? Libby's bark was way worse than her bite and if Alexis even kind of fought back she'd have her screaming for her mommy so fast she wouldn't even have time to think. And that would just cause trouble. She wasn't looking for trouble.

She just wanted to be left alone.

She sighed as she made her way down the sidewalk, wiping the blood from her chin, massaging her jaw.

She hated walking through the city. There were too many people, too many buildings; too much that she was unfamiliar with. She didn't feel safe.

She never felt safe.

So she was surprised to find the front door of Tony's apartment was unlocked.

"Hello?" she called closing and locking the door behind her.

No answer. She clicked on the lights.

Tony was sitting in front of the window by his bed looking out at the city lights, and there were a lot of 'em. This city was so huge it made Mindoir's definition of a city look like a playground. For the two of them it was… overwhelming, to say the least.

She pulled up a chair next to him.

"Hi," she said.

He didn't answer.

He'd always been kind of quiet, kind of kept to himself. That aspect of him was now enhanced by, like, a billion as he fought to deal with his grief.

She dealt with her grief by getting beat up every day; he dealt with his by shutting out the world.

Perfect.

"Have you eaten yet?" she asked with a sigh.

He shook his head.

"I'll fix you something. I make a mean ham sandwich."

She rose, making her way to the small kitchenette by the front door.

Halfway there, she realized that it'd take quite a few ingredients to make a ham sandwich – mustard, mayo, bread, ham – all of which he probably didn't have because that kind of stuff was expensive and he had a hard enough time paying for rent.

Screw it. She'd just make a cup of noodles instead. That would only take hot water which she could get a lot faster in the lobby than from Tony's sink since it took a while for his pipes to heat.

Tony was sitting in the exact same spot when she got back. It'd been hard to walk back up the stairs without spilling the water on to her hands so it had taken her a little longer than she'd planned. She was relieved to see he hadn't moved.

"Here," she said, handing his cup of noodles to him.

He took it without a word, not even questioning the fact that it definitely was not a ham sandwich. They ate in silence, watching the city; thinking of home. It was late and there was still so much life outside… so much life…

"If you could join the Alliance," Tony started, his voice so soft she had to lean in to hear him, "would you?"

She frowned, her brow furrowing.

_"You can spend a year in an orphanage and then enlist with the Alliance as soon as you're old enough," Hackett had told her. "We'd be more than happy to have you. Abilities like yours are rare and valuable to the Alliance."_

_Alexis had a hard time believing that last part. If her freaky powers were so valuable, why had all the other doctors except McKenna been afraid of her and refused to treat her?_

_"Of course, you'd need to get an implant, an amp, and the proper training. There aren't any programs running, anymore, but we could find you a personal trainer."_

_She noticed the look that passed between Anderson and Hackett when he said 'anymore'. She'd read about BAaT on the extranet and, even though the details of its shutdown the year before were spotty, she wasn't interested in anything even remotely similar to it. And she definitely wasn't interested in the Alliance. Becoming a soldier had been Danny's dream… it had been David's dream…_

_"You don't have to make a decision right now," Hackett told her. "Give it some time. You have a year to think about it. Until then, we've arranged a place for you to stay on Earth..."_

She didn't need to think about it. Every time she remembered pulling the trigger on that batarian, the green goo that spurted out of its eye, she broke out in a cold sweat and started trembling. The blue stuff would pour off of her and she'd have to go hide in a bathroom for five or ten minutes to compose herself.

There was no way she could handle killing for a living. And that was all soldiers were, wasn't it? Professional murderers.

She shook her head, firmly. "Nope, no way."

He paused for a minute, looking down into his empty cup. And then, "I don't know what to do, Lex." He'd taken to calling her that after a few weeks and she found the nickname endearing. Like they were a family. Like he was a brother.

"Whadya mean?" she asked.

"I mean… what am I supposed to _do_. On Earth. What do you do here?"

"I…" she wanted to say something meaningful, something that would give him hope, lift both their spirits, make him smile, for once, maybe even laugh; but she was just as clueless about this world as he was, just as lost. "I dunno," she sighed in defeat.

He looked at her, really looked at her, the disappointment in his icy blue eyes making her shrink in her seat, a knot of guilt twisting in her stomach. She breathed an inward sigh of relief when he went back to gazing out the window.

"My manager's uncle is an arms dealer," he said.

She didn't answer. What was she supposed to say?

* * *

August 30th, 2170

It was cloudy that day. Summer was fading, the change palpable in the crisp smell of the air.

She'd decided to avoid any encounters with Libby for a while. Not that she was letting her win, no way. She just hadn't been in the mood lately. She felt... good? No. Better? Not even close. But she did feel okay, although just as out of place walking through the city. Okay was an improvement.

When she got to Tony's apartment, she grabbed two cups of noodles and headed downstairs to prepare the food immediately, without even saying hello. It was what she'd gotten into the habit of doing every day. Which was why she was so surprised when she got back and he wasn't sitting by the window.

Her brow furrowed in confusion. Had he been there before? She hadn't even checked.

"Tony?" she called. She looked around the corner. He wasn't in the little kitchen. He wasn't in the bathroom either.

Maybe he'd gone up to the roof. She sighed, hoping that wasn't the case because it had rained earlier that day and it was cold. Nonetheless, she made her way up the stairs that led to the roof and pushed the door open, taking care to use her good shoulder because the other one had been especially sore that day.

Sure enough, there he was. She had to squint against the cold wind that was blowing in her face so she could see him. He was standing at the edge of the roof. She made her way over to him, shivering in the cold.

"Hey," she started to say, but the word died on her tongue when she saw what he was holding. "Tony," she breathed, "where... where did you get that gun?" Her voice was weak and frightened, barely audible over the howling of the wind.

"I told you," he responded, loud and clear, "my manager's uncle is an arms dealer."

She didn't answer. The memory of her father's brains lying next to him on the ground, of David's missing leg, of the batarian's dead form all flashed across her mind. She couldn't speak, she could barely breathe.

She was frozen.

"Do you ever miss your family, Lex?" He asked her.

No response.

"Your brother? He was a really cool guy, one of the few that put in the time to get to know me. I used to be so scared of your dad until he told me some of the memories he'd made with him and I realized he was just a regular guy. And your mom... you look just like her, just with darker hair. And you and David, I swear you were gonna get married and you'd have been some dedicated, hardworking army wife," he chuckled. "My sister was so jealous of your relationship. And you were such a good older sister. I remember that time you beat up that kid, Sean, for picking on Eric and Neil. Gave him a bloody nose. He never messed with them again and flinched every time you came around afterward." He paused. "And I remember when we were partners for a science project and I came over to your place and you'd baked cookies 'cos your mom had just taught you how and they were the best cookies I'd ever tasted. And now," if he'd looked at her, he would have seen the tears that shone in her eyes, but didn't spill over. But he didn't look. He just continued, "now it's just... gone. All of it. Just like that. Like it never even existed. Four months, Lex. It's only been four months. And look at them all," he pointed downward, to the bustle of people in the streets below them, the massive number of lights and buses and shuttle cars. "They don't even care. Life just goes on. The galaxy just goes on. Like nothing even happened. Nobody even cares."

_I care,_ she wanted to say. But she couldn't speak. _I care!_ she screamed inside her head, trying to make the words come out of her mouth.

"And that damned ringing. I can't get that damned ringing out of my head. I know you hear it too."

She did. She had ever since the day it had all started... that grating noise in her ears that had just started to die down. Now it was as loud as ever, as loud as her pounding heart. _Tony, don't do this. _Why couldn't she speak?

"And then I wonder... why did we survive? I mean, I wonder that all the time. What am I doing here? Why did I live and they all have to die? What's my… purpose?"

He stroked the gun like some sort of pet, turning it over in his hand.

"And then I realize… I don't have a purpose. There is no point to anything that's happened so far, no kind of order or meaning. It's all just… random. What am I gonna do? Work at this damned mechanics shop for the rest of my life, barely making ends meet with you making me noodles every day? There's no point. There's just no fucking point."

He still didn't look at her. This was the most she had ever heard him say at one time.

She wanted to knock the gun from his hand and tell him he was being stupid and that if she had to live with the pain then he did, too, and that she could prove him wrong, prove there was something to life, that he had a reason to live. She didn't know what it was, but they could figure it out together.

She wanted to say it.

In her head, she did say it.

But she didn't really make any move.

Her mouth was dry.

She was trapped inside herself, just watching.

"I would jump," he said, lifting the gun to his head, "but I'm afraid of heights... always have been."

He pulled the trigger.

* * *

_I don't know how Kaidan ended up in this chapter... he just did. _

_Anyways, thanks for reading._

_*disclaimer*  
Mass Effect belongs to bioware I just make up a bunch of characters in my mind for kicks and giggles._


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